The Pain of the Ocean
by Qazwaxedc
Summary: Why did she let him so close? The pain was almost too much for her to handle, like a giant ocean trying to sink her to the bottom.


**Please bear with me, this is my first fanfic. It was a way to write about some of my feelings. I hope I don't offend anyone. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything else recognizable except the plot.**

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><p>The overwhelming pain sliced through her as she sat crying. Feeling the hatred and self-loathing was not something new to her, but this time it was different. This time there was an ocean of pain she never expected crushing down increasing her pain tenfold. She wished she never met him, never let him close enough to cause damage, never let herself believe something good could happen to her. Her tears flowed relentlessly down her cheeks as she tried not to remember the last six months of her life.<p>

She was never considered pretty. She knew from the start no one would ever look past her bushy brown hair and buck teeth and see the real her. She was smart and got good grades, but she knew no one would care. Working hard was the only way she was going to get anywhere in life. She tried to fit in but it seemed to never work. She had friends until they realized who she really was and they drifted away. Ron and Harry already stopped caring about her. They even stopped asking for her help on their homework. She knew they only stayed with her because they were supposed to be this golden trio everyone looked up to. By fifth year she figured out this fate was all she had to look forward to if she tried to keep making friends.

Through her sixth year she tried not to let people get to close, so she would never experience the hurt and pain from others again. She hated what she had become, but it was the only way. Every day she would look in her mirror, stare herself in the eyes and tell herself she was no good, ugly, hopeless. It was the only way to keep herself from believing she could be better, because this was the only life for her.

She had her future planned out, down to the last detail. She would graduate from Hogwarts, being head girl. She would work for the ministry in the department of mysteries and work until retirement. She would own a one bedroom apartment in London, one bedroom on account of her never having guests or friends stay over. She would get another cat to replace Crookshanks when he died and the process would continue. She would never venture out to make friends and would not make friends with her coworkers. This was a lonely existence, but a lonely existence was far better than an existence filled with pain.

She stuck to her plan and everything stayed the way she knew it should, until one day it did not. She knew something was not right when he started talking to her. They were supposed to hate each other, but here he was, with his blonde hair lying ever so styled on his head and sliver eyes gleaming with a friendly look, talking to her as she studied in the library. She put on her usual show of indifference in order hint to him to never talk to her again. He did not listen. He came back every day for two weeks, talking to her trying to get her to open up, be his friend. She refused.

After two weeks of this it seemed he had given up. 'Good,' she thought, 'it is better this way.' She went back to her work until somebody came up behind her and grabbed her. He pushed her against one of the book shelves with a hungry look in his eyes. She froze, not knowing what to do. "Granger, why must you be so difficult," he growled before he closed the distance and kissed her. That one kiss changed everything. She no longer wanted to be alone, she no longer wanted the future she had planned out, and she no longer wanted to hate herself. She only wanted to feel liked, and maybe loved, by somebody, even if it was him.

He saved her and he did not even know it. Their relationship changed from one of hatred to what she considered love. After those two weeks he asked her out and a simple yes was all it took for her to melt into a different person. He took her on dates and studied with her, all in secret because of their varying social classes. They talked every day and got to know each other. She told him things she never told anyone and he became her closest and only friend.

Her time with him changed her to the point where she did not even recognize herself. There was no longer the girl that sat by herself with sad eyes and a permanent frown on her face. She smiled, laughed, and hummed unrecognizable tunes of happiness. She stopped tearing herself down every day in the mirror and her pains and loneliness soon became a distant memory.

She had been seeing him in secret for five months, though they had really started talking almost six months. She knew she loved him and would do anything for him. He wanted their five month anniversary to be special and so did she. She wanted to give him not only her heart, but every bit of her as well. She led him to the Room of Requirement, where they shared a passionate night together. She woke up feeling safe and secure wrapped in his arms. She had never felt anything as wonderful and she knew she loved him. She whispered to his sleeping form, "I love you."

After that night, her world came crashing down. He stopped talking to her, stopped sending her glances while they had dinner in the Great Hall, and stopped studying with her. She was confused and angry. She had given him every part of herself and he had cast her aside. She wanted to confront him and make him explain what was happening. She decided to follow him after class.

He headed down toward the dungeons with a smirk set on his face. He looked happy while she followed sad and confused. He stopped outside of an abandoned class room, looking around to make sure no one was following him, and entered. She followed after him and used a spell to listen in on what was happening in the room.

A gruff voice called, "Looks like you actually did it Draco."

"Of course I did you idiot. Making Granger fall for me was the easiest money I ever made," Draco replied. "Thanks to your little bet Blaise, I am now 100 galleons richer."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. I never thought you could get to her in six months, so I must say I'm impressed," Blaise answered bored.

She sat shocked. It was all a bet. Every conversation, every touch, every day was a plot to make her fall for him. She did not know what to feel. She thought maybe she had finally found someone who could love her for her and see past her looks. She needed to talk to him, see if this was all a front for Blaise, maybe she actually meant something to him. Her new emotions would not let her believe this was all a stupid bet.

She hid outside the door and waited for Blaise to leave the classroom. After a few minutes Blaise left and she slid into room before Draco could leave.

"Draco," she whispered to his turned back. "What is going on?"

"Figured you would find me eventually Granger," he stated in a cold unfeeling voice.

"_Draco_," she pressed, "Please tell me this is not real. It has to be some sort of misunderstanding." Her voice cracked at the last word. Tears stung in her eyes.

"Misunderstanding?" he mimicked harshly. "I think you understand very well Granger. I needed some money, Blaise needed some entertainment so a bet was formed. Boy did we have a laugh. Making you fall for me was the easiest thing I have ever done. I am still having a hard time washing you off me though Granger." He laughed humor etching every word. "The only way to really know if you had fallen for me was to sleep with you."

Silent tears were threatening to fall out of her eyes at the cruel face before her. "I thought you loved me," she choked out.

"Loved you!" he barked, "How could I love a filthy little mudblood like you?"

It was too much for her to handle. She ran out of the room tears falling uncontrollably down her face. His laughter following her down the corridor. She did not know where she was running. She had no one to turn to, no friends for comfort. Pain lashed at her heart. She had never felt so lonely, so empty before in her entire life.

The Room of Requirement opened in front of her, as if it knew she needed a place to turn to. She ran inside tears streaming down her face. Choked sobs erupted from her and echoed around the empty room. Why did she let him so close? The pain was almost too much for her to handle, like a giant ocean trying to sink her to the bottom. She was drowning and had no one to help her. He was everything to her and he took any bit of happiness away in one action. She knew opening her heart to someone would only leave her in misery, but here she was lying on the floor crying her eyes out.

'Never again,' was all she could think as the ocean of pain consumed her.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


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